Otherness: Differences to Connect

Otherness, the feeling of being different, has been pervasive throughout my life as I have felt disconnected from other people. However, as I have grown older, I have recognized that this is not uncommon for anyone – most people, neurodivergent or neurotypes, have felt disconnected in their lives. Now, this gives an interesting perspective on the issue: if most of us feel awkward and disconnected, this would suggest that we do have a connection gap.

Separation as the rule

We are living much more separate lives now; we have been encouraged to step out of the community and focus on the self, we have been encouraged to gratify ourselves rather than think of the collective, and we have alienated ourselves to favor the individualist and neo-liberal society. However, in reality, we are social creatures who do better together. In places where the sense of community still exists, the people seem happier. Perhaps neurodivergent people might still feel some disconnect in these systems, yet are more likely to feel loved and supported and their idiosyncrasies accepted in places where they have a network of people whose purpose is to support each other.

It is important to mention that our increased focus on individualism and consumption has promoted our disconnection from the Earth as well, and shifted our priorities to be virtually connected through the Internet and social media, which seek to divide us further. We are losing our way as a society, however, neurodivergents seem to have a heightened sense of the natural world and are more aware of cruelty and abuse of the planet, probably from their heightened sensitivity and a greater sense of injustice.

Otherness & Gender Identity

Otherness can also be associated with gender identity. Women, especially neurodivergent women, think there is something wrong with them if they do not conform to the stereotypical expectations of what a woman should be in our society; ageless, wearing makeup, a slim and small unimposing body that can display clothes nicely, agreeable, quiet, knowing her place.  We are presented with such strong messages that this is what a woman is and should be, that when we do not fit, as many do not, we think the problem lies with us.  There is such a need for a broader spectrum of female voices and role models in the public eye. There has to be more diversity than there currently is and some balance to the glamour – which is very pressuring.  Then, maybe more young women would understand that we come in many forms and all of them are valid.

Spirituality vs. Social Media

I believe spirituality can enhance self-esteem and foster gratitude for a healthy body rather than focusing on aesthetics; however, a significant shift in messaging is necessary, and currently, it seems it is becoming more limited. Yes, we see greater diversity on social media, but there is an inherent bias in how social media presents information to us, meaning we only see what it thinks we want to see. These individuals are not necessarily appealing to a broader audience (Instagram even filters comments, showcasing opinions that align more closely with your own). Thus, social media acts as an echo chamber, reinforcing existing views instead of challenging them. Additionally, it exhibits a bias towards patriarchal conservatism, specifically aimed at upholding the perspectives of young, wealthy white men, which has been present since its inception. Overcoming this has proven to be quite challenging.

Personal spiritual practice fosters a sense of connection by reminding us that we are part of something larger, as the quotes suggest. However, it does not address the broader issues and crises in identity and disconnection we are witnessing; the increase in mental health problems among young people reflects this trend, and it is getting worse. It will require some of us to take decisive action to effect any real change.

Refocus

Society is promoting otherness rather than commonality, individuality rather than closeness and community, and in a sense, this feels like we are all on the same boat sharing the same connection gap. All that is needed is to focus our attention on our differences, which is the underlying factor that makes us equals, we are equally different human beings, and by sharing our uniqueness we are making the world a better place. Once our perception is shifted to commonality, we can truly experience what it means to be human.

Joanne Robinson, Candidate for the  Certified Neurodivergence Life Coach Program

The Natural Wellness Academy offers a Certified Neurodivergence Life Coach program, which is the first of its kind, and looks to prepare coaches to guide neurodivergent people into a more fulfilling life. Join us in this journey to heal the world.